Reflections upon Aging

Why is it we can feel shocked by where we are in the age span? I know I feel shocked by being almost 82. You would think I wouldn’t feel surprised, even though the number 82 has come about a day at a time. But I vividly remember being the youngest in my class in school. It was startling to be the mother of the bride 32 years ago. Wasn’t I the one in the bridal gown a few minutes ago? Inside, I am the same, but a more grounded version of the person I have always been. I am still learning and still feeling good. I still have lots of energy. So I am aware how lucky I am to be aging well and don’t take this for granted. I have two adorable great grandchildren, both almost a year and a half old. I am astonished by this,

So I am thinking a lot about the generational chain. I will never get to find out what happens to those I love after I’m gone, and this makes me sad. And the youngest of these precious people will live their lives without much direct experience of who I am/was. As a result of these reflections, I have become really curious about the lived experience of those who came before me. The nuclear family in which I was raised was very intense, but with an absence of safe connection and mutual understanding. So I began to long for an ancestor who would be compatible with me, something of a soulmate.

I have been in a bit of a songwriting burst lately, and one song that came to me this month is called “Her Sweet Shadow”. I have conjured up a great grandmother who really lived, and have poignantly wished I could have known her. I am going to share that song with you. I turned on the Zoom app that allows you to record on your own computer, and sang the song enough times that it was acceptable to me.